Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Married at First Sight S:4 E:6 Perception of Others



This week on FYI's Married at First Sight, the honeymoons are over and real life begins. This was a tough week to watch, but it is a reminder that marriage isn't always easy. 

I thought about how perception plays into not only how we communicate with others, but also how we judge what we see. Let's take a further look into the three relationships this week.


Derek and Heather

Two or more people often perceive a situation in radically different ways. It's human nature to cling to a first perception, even if it is wrong. After an opinion of someone is formed, it's common to hang on to it and use it to fit our own personal narrative. We respond in a way that specifically looks for examples to fit that perception.

Photo credit: FYI
Judgement of ourselves is commonly done with a less critical eye than judgement of others. Our own vices can be viewed as, "letting off steam" while another's can be perceived as, "a sign of weakness". 

An uncharitable attitude towards our partner can lead to harsh judgements. We often become detached and emotionally unavailable.
  
Photo credit: FYI
One of the biggest assets that a person can have in a marriage is the ability to change. If you have that as part of your character, then anything is possible. ~ Pastor Calvin Roberson
This advice from Pastor Cal is key for Derek and Heather (and all successful relationships). We see Derek admit that he is not perfect and wants to work on making himself a better person. The question is, can Heather humble herself, admit she also needs to grow and be willing to change her perception of Derek and this marriage?


Nick and Sonia

Perception of others is subjective and is deeply rooted in how we view ourselves. Our personal experiences and expectations can influence our behavior and how we respond. 

Photo credit: FYI
The ability to have empathy and a willingness to walk in another's shoes is key to building relationships. Think about what it would be like if you woke up tomorrow 30 years older or younger, a different gender or ethnic group, wealthy or in sudden poverty? Our responses would be remarkably different than they are now.

Empathy is suspending judgement and acknowledging the ideas and thoughts of others. It's setting aside personal opinions to take on different viewpoints. Listening, asking questions and reflecting on the answers, are key when developing empathy. 

Photo credit: FYI
The major obstacle we see for Nick and Sonia is his two dogs. Nick is actively trying to understand Sonia's fears and Sonia is seeking to understand Nick's love for his pets. They are modeling great compassion for one another. But will Sonia be able to change her perception of the dogs and overcome her fear? If not, is Nick willing to compromise for the sake of their marriage?


Tom and Lilly 

How happy you are in a relationship can have a huge impact on how you perceive things. Behavior that is seen as annoying in one relationship can be looked at as satisfying in another. What impacts that perception? The level of emotional investment.

Photo credit: FYI
Feeling respected and cared for allows us to have genuine concern for our partner's feelings. We are open to understanding their fear, their joy and their pain.

The choices we make on how to act or speak influence how others perceive us. One person's decision about what to say can trigger the other person's response. When you are feeling secure in a relationship, your world is very different than when you are feeling insecure. This self-perception directly correlates to how we respond in situations of stress. 

Photo credit: FYI
Lilly supports Tom's simplistic way of life, even though she doesn't feel there is room for the two of them in his bus. Tom realizes that although the bus may have identified who he is as a single person, he now has to take his wife's needs into consideration. They've come to an agreement on a temporary home, but can they find a compromise for the long haul?


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Follow me on Twitter @realitvwithbee and live tweet using #MarriedAtFirstSight or #MAFS 

Watch "Married at First Sight Confessions" on +FYI Television Network Tuesdays at 8:30/7:30pm CDT, followed by "Married at First Sight" at 8:45/7:45pm CDT and #MAFS #Unfiltered hosted by +jamie otis at 10/9pm CDT.

Married at First Sight Interviews

Rachel DeAlto shares her story
Connecting with Pastor Calvin Roberson
Getting to know the Season 4 Singles!


"Married at First Sight" Blogposts

S:4 E:5 Respect and Patience are Virtues


Check out these hilarious Top Tweets Blogposts!

S:4 E:5




Married at First Sight S:4 E:5 Top Tweets


Yes! I finally had some time to put these awesome #MarriedAtFirstSight Top Tweets together for this week! You know, summer vacay and all...Here we go! 









































***
Follow me on Twitter @realitvwithbee and live tweet using #MarriedAtFirstSight or #MAFS 

Watch "Married at First Sight Confessions" on +FYI Television Network Tuesdays at 8:30/7:30pm CDT, followed by "Married at First Sight" at 8:45/7:45pm CDT and #MAFS #Unfiltered hosted by +jamie otis at 10/9pm CDT.

Married at First Sight Interviews

Rachel DeAlto shares her story
Connecting with Pastor Calvin Roberson
Getting to know the Season 4 Singles!


"Married at First Sight" Blogposts

S:4 E:5 Respect and Patience are Virtues


Check out these hilarious Top Tweets Blogposts!




Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Married at First Sight S:4 E:5 - Respect and Patience are Virtues



In my interview with "Married at First Sight" relationship expert Rachel DeAlto, she shared the importance of patience and respect when building a relationship in this radical social experiment. 

Relationships involve two people with very different thoughts, ideas and values. It can be challenging to merge those strengths and weaknesses into one cohesive unit. We saw the couples face those challenges this week. Here are my thoughts as I watched them maneuver through rough waters...literally.


Derek and Heather

It is common to avoid conflict or confrontation because it causes discomfort. But in order to find solutions, you must push through the pain. In a relationship, that requires two willing participants. 


Photo credit: FYI

When someone doesn't meet your expectations, it's easy to become disillusioned and fall into a place of looking for faults. Negativity breeds negativity. Walls are erected to protect a hurting heart, resulting in a total shut down. Once you are closed-off it is impossible to seek an agreeable outcome.

Feeling respected and loved is innate in all of us looking to having a successful relationship. If you don't have either of those, it's nearly impossible to move forward. 



Photo credit: FYI

Both Derek and Heather are clearly suffering intense pain as their hopes of a Cinderella story come crashing down around them. The experts can give them the tools to turn this marriage around, but are they willing and able to forgive and forget? 


Nick and Sonia

Learning about one another, how we communicate and show love, requires an endless amount of patience. For couples who are married at first sight, it's a bit of a juggling act.



Photo credit: FYI

When you have different love languages, assumptions can be made based on your own personal lens. It can feel like needs aren't being met, based on an alternate way of showing care. 

It's imperative to speak your truth when confusion arrises. To do this, a "safe" place must be constructed. That's where respect comes in. Communicating feelings in a calm, gentle way, diffuses the spark that could lead to anger. Compatibility comes when you can understand and respond to each other's needs respectfully. 



Photo credit: FYI

Nick and Sonia are still in the beginning stages of building a foundation of trust. They have shown exemplary communication skills thus far, but hearts will become more invested and feelings will intensify. As real life begins, can the experts help guide them to a place where love can grow? 


Tom and Lilly

An instant chemistry and emotional connection can take you on the ride of your life. But eventually, the ride comes to a halt and the dust settles. A shared set of values is what is needed to build a life together. Love grows through the values of patience and respect. 



Photo credit: FYI

Patience is not a sprint, rather a marathon. It tests our endurance and ability to forgive one another's short comings. It takes respect to make it for the long haul. 

Respect means honoring another opinion, even when you don't agree with it. It's seeing the beauty in difference and finding a way to blend that difference, so both individuals feel supported and encouraged.



Photo credit: FYI

Tom is so much more than his bus and Lilly is so much more than her car. They have worked hard to connect on both a physical and emotional level. If the bus becomes an issue, can the two of them find a win-win solution they can "live" with? 


***
Follow me on Twitter @realitvwithbee and live tweet using #MarriedAtFirstSight or #MAFS 

Watch "Married at First Sight Confessions" on +FYI Television Network Tuesdays at 8:30/7:30pm CDT, followed by "Married at First Sight" at 8:45/7:45pm CDT and #MAFS #Unfiltered hosted by +jamie otis at 10/9pm CDT.

Married at First Sight Interviews

Rachel DeAlto shares her story
Connecting with Pastor Calvin Roberson
Getting to know the Season 4 Singles!


"Married at First Sight" Blogposts

S:4 E:5 Respect and Patience are Virtues


Check out these hilarious Top Tweets Blogposts!




Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Married at First Sight - Rachel DeAlto: 'Being vulnerable means sharing your story.'


Photo credit: Kinetic Content

Season 4 of FYI's radical social experiment, "Married at First Sight", has two new experts joining sociologist Dr. Pepper Schwartz. The addition of pastor Calvin Roberson and relationship expert, Rachel DeAlto brings fresh ideas and opportunities for growth...for both couples and the viewing audience. 

As an equity/social justice advocate, one of my guiding principles is building relationships through the sharing of stories. I recently had the privilege of connecting with Rachel and learning she shares that philosophy. Here is a glimpse of her story, as it relates to Married at First Sight:


Tell us about your professional career.
As a life coach and hypnotherapist, I work with people to find and keep love - while releasing the emotional pains of the past. Everyone has a past - some more traumatic than others, but every past has an impact on your ability to have healthy relationships. Family of origin, life events and self-created patterns, all play a role.
People often ask how you become a relationship expert - as well as, “how can a lawyer be a relationship expert?” or “how can you be a relationship expert and not be married?” My answer is experience. Yes, I was a lawyer before I was a coach, but my skill set as an attorney revolved around my ability to read people and situations, as well as mediate tense interactions and adversaries. These are assets I value heavily in my work now. 
Also, I was married. Not every relationship is meant to last forever. My marriage resulted in beautiful children and many lessons. My divorce and co-parenting continues those lessons to this day. I believe that my experience has made me even more empathetic and compassionate as I have been on both ends of the spectrum. I’ve walked the mile, and then some!

Why Married at First Sight?
I was immediately drawn to "Married at First Sight" because of the heart. So many reality shows are based on drama, but not #MAFS. We are ALL all about the love. From the network to the CEO of Kinetic, to every person on the team (on camera and off), we all want these couples to fall madly in love and grow as people. I would never get involved in something that played on emotions for ratings (trust me, I’ve been offered). There is so much integrity and authenticity in this show.

What lens do you bring to the show that we haven't seen in previous seasons?
I think any individual brings a different lens based on life experience. I am eternally optimistic, yet pragmatic. I am loving and empathetic, yet firm in my opinions and advice. I’ve had the honor of working with hundreds of singles and couples, and to be able to bring that experience to the show is so gratifying.

Photo credit: FYI

This season you met personally with the couples before they left for their honeymoons. Can you tell me the reason for that?
I feel that more is more when it comes to expert connection! These people just married complete strangers and are about to go on vacation with them. There are so many emotions in those first couple days that it made complete sense to sit down with them and validate all of their feelings.

You talked to Sonia and Nick about being vulnerable. Why is vulnerability important in this process?
Vulnerability is essential in ANY relationship and certainly when marrying a stranger. One of my favorite quotes is, “There isn’t anyone you couldn’t love once you’ve heard their story”. Being vulnerable in this situation means sharing your story, but sharing your story means they have so much to admire and fall in love with. So many keep their walls up and miss the opportunity to truly connect on a heart-to-heart level.

What do you see are the major challenges specific to couples that are married at first sight?
There are a couple challenges I see, the first is patience. There is a natural desire to dive into the marriage as a traditional husband and wife; to expect the other to know and anticipate your needs and desires and to have exactly what and who you have always envisioned as a partner. However, these are complete strangers, and they need to remember patience in growing their marriage. There is no right way to be as a couple after a day, a week, or a month. 
The second challenge is energy level. The participants go from their normal lives and careers to being married (to a stranger) while being filmed at all hours and talking about their feelings nonstop. Its intense and can be an exhausting transition.

What do they need to do to overcome those challenges?
I often remind them to engage in self care. We all have stores of energy that can become depleted, but our couples need to make sure they are taking care of themselves so that they are thinking clearly and acting kindly.

Can you share something that was unexpected this season?
It’s going to sound cheesy, but how much I love these participants. I’ve become friends with former clients and am friendly with current clients, but the Married at First Sight cast have a special place in my heart. They are ALL such good people.

Tell me something you learned from working with:

Nick & Sonia
Nick is the king of jokes and memes. I should start a file. He’s a funny guy with a great heart. I hope that the viewers see his sweet side. Sonia, ah Sonia, she’s just a pure shining light. She’s got such a beautiful heart, and was an absolute pleasure to work with. She’s always looking to grow and learn...an amazing soul. 
 Derek & Heather
Derek is just adorable and hilarious. He’s a two feet in kinda guy. He is unbelievably earnest and authentic. Heather is an absolute doll and can whip out the witty banter like no one else. When we were in the matching process, she was the first person I met that I said, “I want to hang out with her!” She’s also strong and so smart. I know the viewers are going to see all of those sides. 
 Tom & Lilly
Tom and Lilly are just great, sweet, honest people. Tom has so many more sides than just his bus. He too is a sponge - always looking to do better and learn. He’s also unbelievably charismatic and just a great guy. Lilly. Oh I love Lilly. She is a powerhouse, but so sweet - the best combo. She’s always willing to look at herself and listen, and comes from a place of love.

***
Follow me on Twitter @realitvwithbee and live tweet using #MarriedAtFirstSight or #MAFS 

Watch "Married at First Sight Confessions" on +FYI Television Network Tuesdays at 8:30/7:30pm CDT, followed by "Married at First Sight" at 8:45/7:45pm CDT and #MAFS #Unfiltered hosted by +jamie otis at 10/9pm CDT.

Married at First Sight Interviews

Rachel DeAlto Shares her Story
Connecting with Pastor Calvin Roberson
Getting to know the Season 4 Singles!


"Married at First Sight" Blogposts

S:4 E:5 Respect and Patience are Virtues


Check out these hilarious Top Tweets Blogposts!



Thursday, August 18, 2016

Married at First Sight S:4 E:4 Top Tweets



This week's honeymoon episode got real. It was not all fun and games, but I managed to find some light-hearted humorous tweets in my top picks. Total love and respect for the six brave individuals for putting themselves out there! Here we go...















































***
Follow me on Twitter @realitvwithbee and live tweet using #MarriedAtFirstSight or #MAFS 

Watch "Married at First Sight Confessions" on +FYI Television Network Tuesdays at 8:30/7:30pm CDT, followed by "Married at First Sight" at 8:45/7:45pm CDT and #MAFS #Unfiltered hosted by +jamie otis at 10/9pm CDT.

Married at First Sight Interviews

Rachel DeAlto shares her story
Connecting with Pastor Calvin Roberson
Getting to know the Season 4 Singles!


"Married at First Sight" Blogposts

S:4 E:5 Respect and Patience are Virtues


Check out these hilarious Top Tweets Blogposts!