Thursday, January 28, 2016

Married at First Sight - Journey Through the Lens of a Viewer S:1 E:9



Watching Married at First Sight was a struggle for me this week for so many reasons.

Tuesday was the eve of the loss of my father and while it's been two years, I'm with David Norton...on certain days, it doesn't get any easier.

As I write this today, my heart is completely broken. Again. This morning my husband and I had to make a difficult decision. We brought our beloved Brady to the vet to be euthanized. His suffering and pain is over, but ours has just begun. 

I can't imagine not being greeted at the door with his adoration and unconditional love. I can't imagine not being able to feel and smell those sweet puppy dog kisses. I can't imagine sleeping without him snuggled between us, his very heart in rhythm with mine, like the beat of a drum. 



As I was holding him and he took his last breath, I thought about Sam Role holding her grandmother as she took her last breath. Did I mention my heart was breaking? I thought about her advice to Neil...you may think you have the time to say all the things you want, and suddenly you don't. 

Sitting here now, I reflect on how unpredictable life can be. If this were my last day, what words do I have that are unspoken? What is the legacy I want to leave behind? 

Life is short. I think back on the years and suddenly they seem like a vapor. The golden moments along the way seem like both yesterday and forever ago. I've learned not to take a single moment of life for granted because it can change in an instant.

Act with integrity. When I lay my head down on the pillow at night, I need to be at peace, knowing I've allowed my moral compass to guide me. If I do that, my acts and deeds each day have been a true representation of who I am. 

Speak with honesty. Honesty is the foundation of trust and trust is the foundation of relationships. Words have power...the power to lift up or the power to destroy. Blend words of honesty with kindness, compassion and empathy. 

Love to the fullest. There is nothing more fulfilling than giving yourself completely to another. Yes, you risk getting hurt, but if you don't hurt, you don't grow. Let the walls down and let love in. It's all that really matters in life.

Live with no regrets. Your words and deeds can alter the course of your life. Once spoken or done, they can never be taken back. We make mistakes every day. The key to living with no regrets is to learn from your mistakes. Use them as a springboard to become the best person you can be. Only then will they have served their purpose.

Have forgiveness. There is no power, like the power of forgiveness. When you forgive others, the burden is released from your shoulders. The weight you're dragging around is suddenly lifted and your spirit is free. 


I dedicate this to my husband, children and grandchildren, who all read my blog. 
In loving memory of my father and Brady, who both brought so much love 
and joy to my life.

***

Season 3 of "Married at First Sight" is on Tuesdays at 9/8c on FYI and A&E








Tuesday, January 26, 2016

The Women of #BlackLove S:1 E:7 Feeling Some Kinda Way


This week on #BlackLove, the workshop is about letting go of the fear of sexual and emotional intimacy, to better be able to open the doors of connection, empathy, understanding and compassion. 

Jae

Jae understands that getting hurt is a part of life, so her focus is to try to create situations where that doesn't happen.

La tells her not to let past relationships control her fear of getting hurt again. 



Eventually Jae wants intimacy, love and vulnerability, but right now she wants the freedom of dating without the obligations that go along with commitment. It's clear she's not in the same place that the other women are, and that's okay. 

Damona sets Jae up on a date with Simone from France, and Jae is simply glowing. We're with you, girl. That French accent is irresistable. 

The fact that she feels an instant connection with Simone is quite revealing about where she is with Bentley. Jae misses being youthful and fun.


Tennesha

After the last workshop, Tennesha has been focusing on how to better communicate with Errol through their different styles. This is huge. 

She opens up to Jae that while she has peeled back many layers with Errol, her fear of complete emotional intimacy has kept her from revealing that final layer. Now it's time.




Tennesha takes the next step and tells Errol she was in the military for 9 years. Although this is a painful part of her past, she doesn't want it to define her.  

Errol gets it and couldn't be more sweet or understanding. 



La

When talking about sexual intimacy, La says she wants to feel the connection with someone and that someone is Karl.

However, she's conflicted because her relationship with Karl has held her back from moving out of the country. 


La admits to the girls that she fears showing emotion. Tennesha is spot on when she points out that La's way of telling Karl she loves him is asking him to travel with her. That's a major step for her.

Relationships are about compromise, but is it fair to expect Karl to put his life and career on hold to follow her? If she doesn't leave, will La start to resent Karl for holding her back? 

Jack tells La that although he sees she is a very emotional person, her struggle is showing it with words. 

The challenge he gives La is to express her feelings to Karl before he goes on his 2 week trip to visit family in Ireland. 



La plans a romantic dinner and gets real with Karl. She expresses that her need is to see the love in actions vs. Karl, who needs to hear the words. 

I see compromise here. They are making steps in the right direction and I love watching their relationship grow. 



Physical and Emotional Intimacy


Physical touch is vital to a successful relationship. To help the girls to feel more comfortable with sexual intimacy, the girls attend a massage class. This was by far the most entertaining activity I've seen. 

Damona reveals that while women touch and hug each other all the time, men are starved for physical intimacy. That made me ponder and think about my own relationship. 


The next exercise is an improv flirting workshop to help with listening and being in the moment. 

Can I just say for a moment, I'm totally distracted by how on point their accessories are? It'a all about the shoes and purses, girls. Okay, back to the workshop..

To sum up the session and see a shift in how you feel and how people relate to you, Damona mentions the following key points:
  • Flirting is a way for a woman to show she is interested in a man.
  • Don't become hardened to men approaching you. Keep an open mind. 
  • Be careful with terminology so you don't unintentionally undermine him.
  • Be open to being approached in unconventional settings. 

***

Tune in to #BlackLove Tuesdays at 10:15/9:15c on FYI

Follow me on Twitter @realitvwithbee and live tweet using #BlackLove


#BlackLove Blogs & Interviews:





Screencaps made by Bee, courtesy of FYI and A&E



Monday, January 25, 2016

My Diet is Better Than Yours S:1 E:3


Weeks five and six into the +ABC Television Network groundbreaking experiment,"My Diet is Better Than Yours," we see major changes in the participants. 

This week, they each experienced a challenge with their mindset, proving that no matter what food plan you follow, you have to have your head in the right place.

Photo credit: Kinetic Content
The first milestone challenge that Anna Kaiser planned was a 5K race and it was not without incident. Jeff had to step off due to illness and Taj shut down due to a personal struggle. 

La'Tasha, who is playing catch up starting with a new trainer, was happy to just finish the race. Kurt and Jasmin were neck and neck to the finish, but Jasmin pulled away for the win. 

In the second milestone challenge, all five reached their max heart rate during an endurance test. Jasmin rocked the plank the longest to also win the second challenge. 

The Five Teams


Rob & La'Tasha #NutrientTiming Plan
Photo credit: Kinetic Content
Nutrient timing is about eating wholesome vegetables, complete proteins and moderate fats. In addition to a solid food plan, Rob believes in an aggressive, intense workout plan. La'Tasha struggles to stay focused on her first workout and Rob realizes he has his work cut out for him. 

Disappointed that she didn't complete the 1-minute plank at the milestone challenge, La'Tasha shows us how it's done and nails it at the 2nd week weigh-in. She loses a total of 9 lbs. in two weeks with Rob, confirming she made the right decision to swap trainers.

Here are Rob's tips for success this week:

  • Small portions can reduce glucose & insulin levels.
  • A small portion is a palm of protein, two fists of vegetables and two thumbs of good fats.
  • Eat 3-4 meals a day with the above ratio of proteins, veggies and fats.
  • 10 oz. of goat cheese has 1200 calories and 100 grams of fat.
  • Sweating releases toxins which increases weight loss.

For more information on Rob's plan click here.



Abel & Kurt #TheWildDiet
Photo credit: Kinetic Content
Kurt has a major hurdle to overcome with his son's wedding and family festivities. He takes his son and daughter-in-law out to eat and gives them a lesson in how to fit, "The Wild Diet" into his daily life. He asks the server questions about grass fed beef and GMO's, explaining the importance of eating clean to his family. 

We can all relate to the mind games that Kurt had to deal with this week. No matter how much weight he's lost, he still sees himself as the "heavy" man. 

Despite a week of damage control, Kurt is in first place, losing 50 lbs. in 6 weeks. 

Here are Abel's tips:

  • Grass-fed meat contains more antioxidants and trace minerals than grain-fed meat.
  • Glycemic index measures how much a food affects blood sugar levels.
  • Baked sweet potatoes have a glycemic index of 94, boiled have an index of 46.
  • Eating low carbs burns more fat.

To order "The Wild Diet" book, click here.


Jay & Jeff #NoDietPlan
Photo credit: Kinetic Content
Jeff had to overcome the obstacle of being ill and missing some workouts this week. While that can certainly mess with your mind, Jay makes sure Jeff gets the rest, nutrition and fluids he needs.

Jeff becomes the beast this week, vowing to lose 100 lbs. of weight from this point to the final weigh-in at week 14.

Jay rocks it, teaching Jeff and viewers the psychology of supermarket shopping. Here are his top tips:

  • Go into the store prepared with a list.
  • Shop the perimeter of the store.
  • Get colorful whole veggies as a less expensive alternative to precut veggies.
  • Avoid unhealthy foods in the bullseye zone.
  • Alkaline water aids in weight loss by breaking down fatty essentials in food.
  • Ask for organic meats and fish.

For Jay's No Diet Plan, click here. 



Dawn & Jasmin #SuperfoodSwap Plan
Photo credit: Kinetic Content
A big part of Dawn's plan is having a healthy attitude and self-love, every step of a weight loss journey. The struggle is real for Jasmin to get rid of her box of "fat girl" clothes. It's something that millions of viewers also struggle with.

Although Jasmin knows it represents years of trying and failing, the message that she may need those clothes again, is playing strong. Dawn says she needs to get out of her own way and start believing in herself. In the end, Jasmin confronts her fears, realizes she is no longer that person and gives up the box. 

She is fortunate to have the support of her husband, who is the main chef in the house. They discuss the long-term sustainability of the program over dinner. Having both lost over 25 lbs. they couldn't be more thrilled to fit into their wedding rings again. 

Jasmin not only won both challenges, she also won the first weigh-in, proving she is a major contender. 

Dawn shares these tips:

  • Variety is an important key to having fun and keeping connected with exercise.
  • Ramp up exercise program each week to increase the intensity.

For Dawn's starter kit and ebook, click here.




Jennifer & Taj #StrongSafeandSexy Plan
Photo credit: Kinetic Content
This was a tough week for #teampink. When Taj walked off at the 5K race, I wasn't sure if we would see her again. It took a lot of guts to come back and then reveal she is going through a divorce, something she didn't want to invite the world in on. 

How do you find that balance when your personal life directly affects your personal goals?

Taj takes the standpoint that she can't be responsible for shouldering the thoughts, opinions and expectations of other people. Under normal circumstances, I would totally agree. However, I have to stand with Jennifer that when you are part of a team, what you do directly affects every member of that team. As a viewer, I could see the pain the other members experienced when Taj left. 

Jenn teaches Taj to use the personal and emotional challenge as a way to dig deep and fight harder for strength and focus. This is a good life lesson for us all. The next challenge Taj is all in and takes 2nd place. 

For Jennifer's Strong, Safe and Sexy plan click here.



Shaun T
Photo credit: ABC
Shaun T drops a bomb, shocking participants, trainers and viewers alike. He reveals next week will be the last with their chosen expert. The last 7 weeks of the program, contestants will be on their own. 

This feels like a huge advantage for Kurt, Jeff and Jasmin, who've been with the same trainer for the entire 7 weeks. La'Tasha seems to have the biggest disadvantage, just beginning her journey with Rob and learning about his food/exercise plan. 

The real test, is which diet is the most successful as they live their lives in the real world? Will Jeff be able to follow through with his commitment to lose an additional 100 lbs.? Who will complete the half marathon in order to qualify for the final weigh-in? 
And finally, who will lose the highest percent of body fat and prove that their diet is better than the rest?

Tune in next week to get the answers to all these questions! 

Watch "My Diet Is Better Than Yours" on ABC at 9/8c and let's make 2016 our best year for great health! 



Follow me on Twitter @realitvwithbee and live tweet using #MyDietIsBetterThanYours






Sunday, January 24, 2016

Married at First Sight S:1 E:8 Top Tweets

Top Tweets

Each week I choose light-hearted, humorous tweets that tell the Married at First Sight story. This week's episode was so raw and emotional, I chose a mixture of humor and passion. Here we go...













































***

Watch Season 3 of Married at First Sight on Tuesdays at 9/8c on FYI and A&E




Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Married at First Sight Journey From the Lens of a Viewer S:3 E:8


The above picture shows exactly what I was feeling while watching Married at First Sight this week. I was one huge bag of emos by the end of the episode, which was so evidently relayed in my tweets. Someone in Twitterverse asked if I saw pieces of myself in these relationships. I needed to ponder that and ponder it I did, into the wee hours of the morning. It took some deep digging and brutal honesty, but here it is...


Communication





Time to Process

I am totally in the moment and reliving my early days of marriage with Tres and Vanessa.

If I've ever been the Queen Bee of anything, it's the, "I'm fine" statement. However, when I say it, nothing could be further from the truth. So what does saying, "I'm fine," really mean? 

It means I feel sad, hurt, confused, scared, or disappointed. How I'm feeling may or may not have anything to do with you. It means that I need time to process. I can't tell you how long it will take or when I'll be in the right frame of mind to have a conversation about it. 

For me, it ALWAYS means I need to feel supported and cared for. It's not about trying to push through it or fix it in the moment, it's about holding me close and validating my feelings. I'm not asking for agreement, I'm asking for understanding. 

Once a foundation of trust is built, I feel more secure and safe to open up and share what's really going on. I can more freely say, "I'm not fine, but I will be. We'll talk about it and work through it. I just need time."  

I've learned the most important thing is to make sure to use, "I'm fine," as a way to open doors for more deep and meaningful conversations. 





 Sarcasm

I can so relate to Neil and Sam because sarcasm is innate in me and I have to work to keep it in check. Often there is a fine line between being funny and being sarcastic. We can see Neil and Sam struggle to figure out what that line is with each other. 

I use sarcasm as a way of expressing humor to make light of a situation. It can take the weight or pressure off every day mundane things in a positive way and bring some much needed laughter into people's lives. 

Occasionally, I slip and use sarcasm to wrap a cutting comment inside of a joke. It's a way to deliver a zing without having to take responsibility for the words...hence the, "It's just a joke" statement. I work hard not to do this because a joke at someone else's expense is never okay.  

We've all been on the receiving end of a sarcastic comment. Tone is the determining factor on whether it's received well or causes conflict. You can tell from someone's tone whether their intention is to lift up or cut down. Remember, intent=impact. The best of intentions can have the worst impact.                    






Honesty

I was deeply moved and saddened for both David and Ashley during their conversation with Dr. Joseph Cilona. I've had tough, heart-wrenching conversations where pain is involved and it's not easy. 

As a direct communicator, I tend to say exactly how I feel. For me, honesty is the best policy as long as it's delivered with kindness. My communication style is the exact opposite of my husband's.

As an indirect communicator, he puts the feelings of others above honesty. He would rather say nothing than to say something that is not nice. This was clearly a disconnect for us early on and something that we are still working on. 

I clearly see the same differences in communication styles between David & Ashley. The question is, how do you speak your truth so you can begin to build a foundation of trust?

Dr. Joseph Cilona nails it once again. He walked Ashley and David through this process and gave them and viewers the perfect example of how to communicate in a way that is honest, yet kind. 
  • First of all, he had Ashley identify the problem. 
  • Once the problem had been identified, Ashley explained it to David using "I" statements. By sharing how she personally felt, it took the blame off of David. 
  • David repeated what Ashley told him to ensure there was no miscommunication. Then he responded with how he felt. 
  • Lastly, they focused on the solution to the problem, removing the criticism from each other.
Perfect! That's what I love about Married at First Sight...new tools added each week to our relationship toolbox. 



I'll close this week with words of wisdom from Dr. Joseph Cilona, 
"Successful and enduring marriages are always growing and changing." 

***

Watch Season 3 of Married at First Sight on Tuesdays at 9/8c on FYI and A&E