Sunday, December 20, 2015

Married at First Sight - Journey From the Lens of a Viewer S:3 E:3

Last week I asked you to step into another's shoes and join me on a Married at First Sight journey. We took stops on the way to our final destination of compassion and empathy. 

Journey Through the Lens of a Viewer S:3 E:2

This week I'd like you to continue with me on the journey. I ask that you keep an open heart and allow yourself to feel. 

The Goodbyes 

It's time to say farewell to your family and friends; those that have stood by your side and given you strength with their undying love and support. A feeling comes without invitation and refuses to leave; fear of the unknown. 

How do you go from the comfort of familiar arms to the unfamiliar arms of a stranger? As you pull away from the crowd of faces that make up the tapestry of your life, you leave a little piece of your heart with them.

The Wedding Night  

You are alone with this stranger that is now your spouse. You try to relax and let your guard down, but it's difficult to do when you have no foundation of trust. So you put your trust in the process. You put your trust in the experts who matched you. Above all else, you put your trust in the divine power that brought you to this place and in this time. 

You try to keep an open mind, but questions swirl around like a whirlpool and threaten to close it. Do speaking the words "I do" come with automatic expectations for physical intimacy? How do you show affection to someone you just met? Will your thoughts and feelings be honored and respected? Does the discomfort written all over your face cause the pain of rejection?

You tread ever so lightly on this path of eggshells, to ensure they don't get crushed. Tenderness, understanding and humor help ease the tension. Whether wrapped in arms or a safe distance apart, you slowly drift into a cautious state of unrest...with a stranger.  

Family Brunch 

There is an unspoken bond that binds the families together. Above all else, they wish love, joy and happiness for you.

As you interact with your partner, they watch with exuberant joy or cautious optimism. Questions are asked and advice is given...because the role of a parent doesn't end when you join with another. 

There are feelings of comfort for the instant connection...feelings of joy for the hope you see in their eyes. There are also feelings of guilt when you don't fully return the welcoming arms that embrace you.  

The Experts 

You put one of the most important decisions in your life into the hands of experts. You take a giant leap of faith, because without faith, you know there is no hope and no love.

Chemistry is one thing the experts can't predict. If chemistry is instant, does it reflect the moral compass within? If chemistry is not instant, can it be cultured and grown with honor, integrity, compassion and love?

The experts are with you every step of the way and it's time to take your first step as a couple. They advise you to to be open, kind, generous, inquisitive and to make no assumptions. 

You are committed to the process and you agree to keep an open heart and mind. There is a reason you were matched and you are ready to explore what that reason is. 

The Honeymoon 

The honeymoon provides you an opportunity to leave all the stresses of life behind and completely focus on your partner. When you marry a stranger, the honeymoon is non-traditional and completely out of the norm. 

It's adjusting to the role that each of you play in the marriage and how you relate to one another. You participate in activities to have fun and dinners to get to know one another. It also provides a non-threatening way to allow you to take leaps or baby steps towards physical intimacy, at a pace you are comfortable with. 

The most important thing is to have good of your hopes, your dreams, your goals and how to merge those into one shared vision for your future. 

You begin to let down your guard and start to allow yourself to be vulnerable. 


Trust is the foundation of marriage. Honesty is the foundation of trust. To have honesty, you need to feel safe when speaking your truth.

It takes courage to open your mind and speak your truth; it takes even more courage to open your mind and listen. Especially when what you are hearing hurts. Marriage is not free of pain. It's hard work...every single day.

Acknowledge your truth and share it in a respectful way. Fully receive what you hear and honor what your partner is experiencing. This is the the art of mindful communication. 


There is fear of the unknown, fear of loss, fear of pain and fear of failure. The fear you bury deep down inside, comes to the surface when you are thrust into situations of uncertainty. The pull to bring you down is strong.

It takes every ounce of courage you have, to stay in the present. It means you challenge unproductive thinking and break down the emotional barriers your heart starts to erect. 

Good judgement comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment. ~Jim Horton
You feel regret for your actions and words and the repercussions are immediate. A feeling of discomfort settles in your gut. You wish you could take back your words and you blame yourself for the distance they create.

Regret is part of every life and mistakes are inevitable. Life is about learning from your mistakes and moving forward, so you can become a stronger, better person. 

The Response

Words are a powerful tool. They have the power to instantly lift you to the highest mountain or cut you to the quick. The passionate messages on social media can affect either response.  

There are people that add to your life and people that subtract from your life. The adders give you positive energy and inspire you to become better. The subtractors suck the life out of you, drain your energy and bring you down.

You have a platform for evoking positive change. Your life is your message to the world. You choose to make your message one of inspiration, adding to the lives that you touch.  


This my own personal lens on walking the journey of Married at First Sight. It does not represent any person involved in the show and any similarities are coincidental. 

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