Sunday, April 19, 2015

Married at First Sight Season 2 Episode 5

From Honeymoons to Holidays!

It's always a challenge to divide time between families during the holidays. I love that despite having only been married for a little over a week, each of the couples develop a plan to make it work. This is huge, taking into consideration different religious beliefs and family traditions. 

Ryan and Jessica

We open this week with a little replay of the argument between Ryan and Jess with him walking out, just in case we forgot how awkward it was. But here's the cool matter how hard it was, Ryan swallowed his pride and came back. 

The next morning, he admitted fault and apologized. Yes, apologized. How bad he felt was written plainly all over his face.

Jess decides to put this behind her and reveals her plans to move in with him the week of Christmas. Ryan started breathing again. 

Once back at home, it's time for some girl talk... 

..and then some Ryan talk. After a 2 1/2 hour conversation, Jess feels at ease knowing he is in this as much as she is. The girl is starting to fall...

Ready to commit to the relationship and make her feel comfortable, Ryan gets a Christmas tree.

She's got her priories straight with packing for the week. With her Keurig in one hand...

...and her cat in the other, she's good to go. Ryan graciously welcomes becoming a feline owner. 

After dinner and a much needed chat...

...Jess is glowing...

...along with the tree. We see the softer side of Ryan and we like it. 

They're all smiles Christmas morning as they think about exchanging gifts. I was cheesing pretty good too. 

Ryan is already planning on rockin' his oversized sweater later that day.

The gift of a watch is timeless. And way better than a leopard purse. (Sorry Ryan R.)

There are two great things about this gathering. The first is that Ryan's mom invited Jessica's family to join them. The second is that Jessica respected Ryan by keeping their private issues private. That's what I call a win-win! 

Sean and Davina

As they left Colorado, Sean and Davina admit their honeymoon was not all fairytale. They actually began some significant relationship work in the first few days of marriage.  

Davina shares her Sean woes with BFF. However, Chris understands the "men are from Mars, women are from Venus" thing and suggests that she communicate with Sean when he's not "getting" it. Bingo! It's all about communication! 

Davina is realizing she puts up walls and  pushes people away. I hope she can stop history from repeating itself. 

In an effort to really build a life together, Sean decides to move to New York with his wife. So far, I see a great willingness for him to compromise in this relationship.

Davina knows the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and brings him a meal from her feast of the 7 fishes. 

She passes the test on how to spell Varricchio and scores some major points with Sean. 

They decide to forego spending time with their families in favor of starting their own Christmas traditions as a couple.

Decorating the tree is the first item on the list. Now all they need is a few presents to complete the look. 

Admitting to being a control freak in the kitchen, Davina makes what appears to be her favorite word AND food...tomatillo salsa. It is kind of a cool word if you say it three times fast. 

Just when we thought things were going amazingly smooth, Sean reveals he lost a child to a miscarriage in the past year. Okay. That was clearly an ouch moment. And yes, I cried. 

Davina felt sad and showed support by holding his hand...

...but wondered off camera, if Sean has worked through this so he can fully commit to their marriage. We'll talk about this more in the "Bee in Your Bonnet" section of the blog. 

Ryan and Jaclyn

Jaclyn was freaking out day one, but by day seven, she is really starting to crush on Ryan. *Ding, ding, ding!* I think we are officially out of the "dude" and "bro" zone, folks! Let the emotional heavy lifting begin! (Awesome analogy Dr. Logan Levkoff!) 

However, the realization that they live 80 miles apart puts the emotional skids on. They decide to put off how to navigate this hurdle for now. 

Ryan and his brother keep up with their tradition of shopping on Christmas Eve. They ask Kayla what she wants and she says, "a lot". What girl doesn't? So sweet. 


The look on the clerk's face when Ryan tells her he has no clue what his wife likes...


Jaclyn...along with her excitement and enthusiasm...arrives for some quality time with Ryan. His mother and niece exited stage left to allow them some alone time...with the cameras.   

She's greeted by the welcoming committee. Can this girl get any better? She even loves the dog! 

Relaxing in Ryan's "living quarters", they have a heart to heart. Jaclyn reveals that living with her husband's mother, in the basement, two hours away from her work, is not her ideal situation. 

Ryan teases Jaclyn that her crazy person gingerbread woman is a reflection of her personality. She agrees. So do we. 

Jaclyn breezes into their lives on Christmas day with a warmth that touches everyone's hearts. Even the wall is glowing. 

I love how special she makes Ryan's niece and mother feel. This girl is exactly what Ryan and his family needs. Good job, experts!!!

Jaclyn is all about leopard print, unless it's on a purse. I'm thinking I'm one of those "older" women it was meant for.

Heart melting awesomeness. Eleven days in and she is totally into her husband. Did I really stand up, do a fist pump and holler "YES"? Alright. I did. 

A Bee in Your Bonnet:

This week's buzz goes to Sean's shocking revelation about losing a child to miscarriage. Wait!!! What??? Were the experts aware of this? Has he had enough time to work through his grief? Is he emotionally ready to commit to Davina? 

I decided to go straight to the source and get the facts from Dr. Joseph Cilona. 

During the matching process did you know that Sean had been through a recent life trauma of losing a child to miscarriage?

Yes, Sean was very open about the miscarriage. This occurred in early February of 2014. He began the assessment process for MAFS in late Fall of 2014 and was married to Davina in December 2014, almost a full year after the miscarriage and end of that relationship.
We considered this carefully and actually did not struggle much about this issue. We considered many people who were coming out of relationships much sooner than Sean. 
Regarding the miscarriage, it's important to remember that grieving is a very individual process. All the assessments and interviews indicated that Sean was in a healthy (and expected) place regarding grieving that loss and the timing of it all.
This is not to say that he wasn't/isn't still significantly impacted, only that it did not ultimately cause serious concerns regarding his suitability for the experiment. In fact, Sean's sensitivity around the miscarriage and his sensitivity in general, was a major factor in his match with Davina. 
Despite Davina's very strong, self-assured and confident veneer, I believe her to be an exceptionally sensitive and emotional person at her core. The impact the miscarriage had on Sean bespeaks his sensitivity and his very strong desire to have children and a family of his own. This was another significant factor in the pairing of Sean and Davina, as they both have the same desire and commitment to having a family of their own (somewhat sooner rather than later).

What led you to believe Sean was ready to commit to a relationship, despite this major loss?

Sean was extremely passionate and certain about wanting to participate in the experiment. He felt that this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that he did not want to let pass him by. I think it's fair to say that of all the people we considered seriously in the final phases, Sean was one of the most committed and clear about feeling this was the right decision for him. He was able to articulate all the reasons why, with great depth and detail. Davina was very much like this as well, which was yet another commonality that was striking and factored into their pairing. 
We felt that his grieving around the miscarriage was in a healthy, expected and appropriate place. It had no negative bearing on his appropriateness for the experiment. 
With that said, in an ideal world would it have possibly been better if a bit more time had passed between the miscarriage and the experiment? Perhaps. But in no way did we feel there was significant reason for concern, for the reasons stated above.  

 Is a show of emotion an indication that someone has not worked through their grief?

I think it's important to remember that it's totally appropriate for Sean to get a bit emotional about the miscarriage, within the context of the experiment and emotions running high. His focus was on issues related to marriage, the future, and likely a family of his own with Davina. It was also due to the sentimentality that often comes with the holidays and the impending anniversary of the miscarriage. 


As always, Dr. Cilona's insight and professional expertise gives us a profound lens into challenges the couples face within MAFS and also life in general. One of the so many reasons to love this show. 

Until next week....

  Read MAFS Season 2 Blogs:

 Here's a must read interview with Dr. Joseph Cilona:

All screen caps made by Bee, courtesy of FYI, and A&E

Please leave me a note and tell me what you think!

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